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Friday, February 4, 2011

Holding On to every "I love you, Mom"!

Share my story, wow what a topic? Where do I begin?
Have you ever heard the phase "Shattered dreams"? I have witnessed the most tragic shattered dream that as a mother, would never want or could imagine bearing.
Here is a quick overview of my life. I have been a lost soul out in the streets, in and out prison, etc. never really a mother or anything. I was blessed with 5 beautiful children and their lives were lived with either their fathers or grandmothers and adoptive family. I was blessed to still have the love of my children. In 2007 I was reunited with my children while in prison. I have so much to be thankful for through my children.
Then in 2008 we got together for the first time in many years. It was the most wonderful day of my life. To have all my children together and still have their love and compassion.
My oldest son Christopher was a coast guard and my younger son Nicholas was in school and had a great part of his life in the church. In April 2008, the day after Nicholas’ birthday, they both were with me, it was so wonderful to have them both with me bonding and sharing dreams and goals and their plans for a long life. As the evening came to a close we were out under the big tree in the yard and 
Nicholas said “mom when I die I want you to bury me under this tree”. 
I said “Nic don't be silly”,
he said “for real mom”.
I just hugged him and Christopher said “mom I don't want to ever spend another day without you”.
I said “you will never baby I love you”
Nic said “for real mom”.
Christopher said the same thing and sang me Dear mama. I cried and said “I promise my sons I am here for life”. Well as the evening closed they were going to town. 
I said “be careful”,
“ok mom we love you”.

Well 30 minutes later my heart ached so much so I called my son’s phone; it went to voice mail. I said “baby call me tell me you both are ok”… nothing... Around 1:00am I awoke to sirens and police officer saying ma’am both your sons were killed in a serious wreck.
All I remember after that was the day of Christopher’s funeral. I was walking out and looked at my phone and there was a voice mail. I listened and it was Nic saying “Mom we are on our way home”. How true that last day that was all that was talked about... I never would get to share another day with them, hear them laugh or say I love you mom, no more calls, nothing... and I wasted my whole life without them to finally have them and now to lose them to a fast car and a curvy road.
If you have children savour every moment and hold on to every “I love you”, because you never know when it will be the last.

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